The Queen Always Rules

Less than a week till we arrive back at school! These five weeks have come and go all too quickly.  At first they were dragging by slowly and painfully, but towards the end I felt I had such little time left.  I spent the entire break counting down the days that I wish I could somehow get back.  I am truly going to miss my girlfriends who I got to reconnect with after all this time.  I hope that we can keep up the good times during our last semester as undergraduates in college!

While doing my normal routine of sitting on my couch and watching multiple shows, I started to think about what my life has come to, which would be sitting, and watching multiple shows all day long.  All of these soap opera shows such as Gossip Girl and 90210 have such dramatic plot lines.  "Serena slept with Dan, who is the son of Rufus who is in love with Serena's Mother, who was married to Bass but then he died."  Believe me, that is just the beginning of the extremely twisted but somehow intoxicating plotlines.  There was this one episode where Chuck cheated on his beloved Blair by sleeping with someone else.  Blair was broken for months but then forgave Chuck and became frenemies with him.  The benefits of sleeping with your ex-boyfriend that you secretly hate and love at the same time.  I started watching these episodes and through the light on the other side I saw myself as a character, and even all of my friends.  That is when I realized that these twisted messed up plot lines are portrayed on T.V. because they exist in real life.  This is why we watch these dramatic shows that sometimes repulse us.  It is because we relate to these characters,  we most of the time are these characters.  Everyone has the lonely boy in their group of friends who is deep and truly looking for love, or the womanizer that is Chuck Bass, or even the snobby upper east sider who is always the queen.  When did these shows start replacing our lives, and at what point in our lives did we become these characters? Are we all secretly twins of our guilty pleasures?

To be a yogi, or not to be a yogi..

I am just going to start off by saying that it has been way too long since my last post!

I am sorry for that inconvenience.  

So much has already happened in the year 2011!! I am so excited to be in this new year.  I feel like a new person with all of the optimism and happiness I have felt lately.  It was as if once the clock struck twelve I was free.  Free from the grief and emotions that I have been hiding away for the last few months.  I do believe I shed a tear of happiness that night.  Of course like everyone else I have set goals for myself for the following year and I hope to fully stand by these goals and change my life around.  First and foremost I am trying to be more optimistic.  When I was younger I used to be this tiny ball of energy. Bouncing around as happy as can be with no worries and never letting anything get me down.  Then I started to grow up and all of a sudden I became this huge pessimistic person.  What had changed? Once I started getting stepped on by other people I learned it was time to toughen up.  I had my guard up always, until I felt that someone deserved to get to know the real me.  Then I would let people into my heart and then get hurt even worse than I expected.  Well this year is all about being optimistic.

It is finally time for me to put my daggers away.  I should rephrase that:  I am trying harder to put the daggers down.  It will take time of course.  I don't want to have all of this anger that I hold onto for no reason.  Things don't work out, and you move on.  That is my new motto to live by for this year.  I am sick of dwelling and holding on to the past and the blissful memories.  I am going to be there for myself first.  I have started taking numerous dance classes, and even gotten hooked up bikram yoga, a cleansing detoxifying yoga class taught in 105 degrees that helps promote flexibility, and work every muscle, cell and organ in your body.  It is the most intensifying workout I have ever been through, but worth every minute.  After the class I feel so refreshed and good about myself.  It has already taught me how to be more relaxed with myself and also how to connect.  

Getting in touch with myself and my closest friends is my idea of a perfect 2011.  May it bring all of you much happiness.  

At First Sight?

I am sure you have heard the saying a million times.. "Love at first sight".  Your interpretation is extremely different from the person sitting next to you, or your best friend, or even parents for that matter.  What does it really mean? Is there a set definition on what defines love at first sight? I never really had a set belief on love.  Usually, when it came to love, I was all over the place.  The people I usually loved hurt me the most.  They were the "bad boys" in life that attracted me most.  The men that broke the rules, lived on the wild side, and were extremely intoxicating and dangerous.  I was laying in bed last night when I got to thinking about all the different types of men I have dated before.  When talking to girlfriends and what not I have always asked mine if they had a type of man they usually fell for.  Was it the jock type? Singer? Rock and roll artist? Hippie? What kind of men were they attracted to?

Some of the girls would respond that they liked an outdoors man that was really into sports.  Someone who liked to watch Sunday night football and was a family man.  Then again, some of these girls responded that they were attracted to a man with rock hard abs, or even someone of polish descent only.  Culture was sometimes key in the types of men that attracted women.  I always thought that I had a certain type of male that I was attracted too, but what is the fun of dating the same guy over and over again? That is when it hit me:  How are we supposed to learn who is the best for us if we keep dating the same person over and over again? What differenced would there be? Would we have the same fights, arguments, interests? It seemed like we would be repeating the same circles over and over again and what would be the fun in that? It dawned on me then what was needed for me to finally move on with my life.  To date different men of different backgrounds, and interests, and styles of communicating.  If I dated the same type of person in a different body I  would learn nothing new about myself and about what was the best for me.  That would be my one of my new years resolutions I decided.  Yes it would.

One and Done

Well well well,

It has been a while since I have blogged.  Not a whole lot of exciting stuff going on in my world.  Work is taking up a lot of my free time, and if not work then attempting to go out and not live a sheltered life.  There are only a few days left till Christmas! I swear every single man was out shopping last minute for their wives or significant others.  Did they all get together and decide today was the day? I probably had almost all male customers today with the occasional female, after all I was working in the intimates department.

Lately I have been thinking.  After hearing story after story about men and all the jerk things they have done to different women, I have to think to myself why do we put ourselves through it? We believe every word that comes out of their mouths.  They say they love us, they will do anything for us, we are the best thing that ever happened to them.  Then you wake up one day, and it's done.  No explanation, no closure in person, nothing.  They just disappear of the face of the planet.  It is almost as if we made up this whole relationship in the first place.  When did men get so cowardly that they don't have the decency to look you in the eyes and say that it simply isn't working out.  Will we ever meet someone worthy of our trust and love or are we all prone for disaster?

The Show Must Go On

So winter break has officially started! 5 whole weeks away from schoolbooks, classes, projects, papers, tests, the whole shebang.  Although I am ecstatic to not worry about my classes and grades, now I have to be in a low key atmosphere where most of my days will consist of working and spending money on Christmas gifts.  Not that I am opposed to buying gifts for other people it just tends to get a little expensive!

I had a little visitor last night at work.  One of my good friends from high school came down and we had a blast for the last 45 minutes that I was working.  It is nice to know that you could remain friends with someone despite time it is as if nothing ever changed! We walked down the beautifully lit Michigan Avenue! If you are going to be in the city during the winter the best part is getting to enjoy the beautiful lights and winter-esque scenery

Tonight were going to take some dance classes downtown.  Dancing has been a part of my life since I was old enough to walk pretty much.  It is has been permanently marked on me for as long as I'll live now.  Everyone has their certain hobbies whether it be video games, horseback riding, singing, there are so many.  When you are doing what you love to do most in the world you feel so alive and the most like yourself.  That is what dancing is to me.  The one place I can 100 percent be myself and feel the best.  I haven't danced since maybe February?  This will be a pleasant reawakening.  Sometimes the winter can get you down, and when your down, all you have to do is dance.

What They Say Is True: Timing Is Everything!

When your in the city do you ever notice all the taxi's driving around aimlessly with their light on at the top? That light means everything because if you're looking to score a ride in the cab, your chances all rely on that tiny little light that says In Service Or Not In Service.  If you think about it, the whole dating game is very similar to taxi's. If a guy or girl is ready to start dating someone their light goes on.  If they just got out of a relationship, their light is out of service.  They need the downtime to themselves to re cooperate from the scarring relationship they just got out of.  You can meet someone and get along with them really well but if one of those lights are off, you just lost all chances.

Then again, some peoples lights never go off.  They bounce from one relationship, to the next, and so on.  These are the kind of people that love being in a relationship, all the time.  Sometimes I have to wonder, do these people ever have any kind of emotional attachment to these relationships? Is there any kind of connection, or do they just get bored with being with one person for so long they just say "next".  

365 Days

So today while I was watching T.V. instead of studying like I should be, I saw a new special coming on in January.  The first thought I had was "Why in the world would they be advertising something that isn't till January?" I actually had a moment where I had to think about what month it is.  It all hit me at once.  2010 is less than a month away from being over.  I have no idea why I find this so shocking.  I actually had to catch my breath for a minute and really think about what that means to me.

This year had to be one of the most overwhelming heartbreaking years I have ever gone through.  There were so many defining memories that brought me to where I am at this very moment.  I can't believe this journey in my life is actually over for good.  It started so effortlessly and I just went with it day by day.  Then tragedy after tragedy took place.  Every time I would tell myself that I am stronger and could overcome it.  I kept running back because I didn't want to let go.  There was a fog in front of my eyes, and I didn't want to wash it away.

I remember last year around this time making my new years resolution list.  Corny yes, but it is something I do every year so that I can look back and see if I accomplished anything I originally set out to.  I don't remember exactly what was on my list, but the number one thing I wanted to accomplish I know I did.  Maybe it was foolish to wish for what I did, but I wouldn't take it back.  I just can't believe one whole year has gone by.  I'm not sad to enter the new year alone.  I think I'm finally starting to find myself again.  No distractions, just me myself, and I.  You can't rely on someone else to pick you up off the floor.  What if there is no one around? Then your just a loser stuck on the floor because your not strong enough to gather the courage and stand alone.  Learn to stand for what you believe in you'll not only respect yourself, but gain the respect of others.